well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Boobs are out for the taking
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
