Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So many bounce houses so little time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
