Nicole vs. Life
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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