Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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