I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
