I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
