she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
