i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
