it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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