I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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