I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
