I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
