Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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