Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
