Where did you get a picture of my penis
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
