The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
