nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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