Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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