i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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