After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
