My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
