Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
