Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
