I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
