i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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