She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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