***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
