Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
operation harelip BJ is a go
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
