yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
