So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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