why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
