just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
How naked do you want me to be?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
