the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
