someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
