So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
