well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
