Kareoke will never be a sober sport
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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