Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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