He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
operation harelip BJ is a go
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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