toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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