he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
