yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
