this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
