He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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