Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
