I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
