I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
