I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
