If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
