I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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