Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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