happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
PANTIES FOUND
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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