I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
