i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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