I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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