i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
