He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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