I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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