Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
