everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
