If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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