i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
