i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
