I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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