Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
