i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
