Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
