I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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