they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I fill condoms, not promises.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
